Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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