her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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