Need sex. Gaining weight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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