i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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