What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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