I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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