Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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