I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize