Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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