don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize