Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize