I wish i was in the wii world.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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