I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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