They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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