I'm jealous of your bromance
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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