Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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