I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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