I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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