I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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