Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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