Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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