I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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