I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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