I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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