Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize