god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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