His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You made out with two different species that night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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