idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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