if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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