i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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