There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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