But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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