Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.

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  (810): Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time. http://tfl.nu/rbpy
  Replies (6) Good night (785) Bad night (1961) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  This girl is very crazy

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's one of those compassionate ppl

  (586): View more from Michigan

  So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her

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  (586): This girl is very crazy (586): She's one of those compassionate ppl (586): So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her http://tfl.nu/xowa
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (1130)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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  (301): Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up. http://tfl.nu/txq5
  Replies (13) Good night (2718) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Would you still love me if I had no teeth

  (1-909): View more from California

  Yeah why?

  (909): View more from California

  Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone

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  (909): Would you still love me if I had no teeth (1-909): Yeah why? (909): Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone http://tfl.nu/a6a1
  Replies (34) Good night (1341) Bad night (11592)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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  (202): She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified. http://tfl.nu/adq0
  Replies (14) Good night (1360) Bad night (5370)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

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  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (23) Good night (6313) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

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  (307): I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom." http://tfl.nu/5uyu
  Replies (20) Good night (4689) Bad night (1668) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses

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  (704): Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses http://tfl.nu/b9lj
  Replies (1) Good night (1315) Bad night (1049)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.

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  (251): I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision. http://tfl.nu/w9kf
  Replies (24) Good night (3530) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.

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  (519): I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI. http://tfl.nu/5z2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1821) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nope that was a dude

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  (651): Alls I remember is making out with that chick. (612): Nope that was a dude http://tfl.nu/9vd8
  Replies (16) Good night (998) Bad night (2228)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!

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  (705): There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!! http://tfl.nu/7xwk
  Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth

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  (262): Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth http://tfl.nu/ck6h
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.

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  (248): in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins. http://tfl.nu/5x9x
  Replies (2) Good night (370) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.

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  (601): He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time. http://tfl.nu/0o2i
  Replies (4) Good night (269) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt

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