the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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