The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
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I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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