i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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