I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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