Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Randomize
Follow @tfln