God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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