capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize