he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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