So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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