If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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