I want to have your abortion
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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