ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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