apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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