I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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