My nipple is on Facebook.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize