3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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