I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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